Former San Francisco quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo signed a three-year deal to signal call for the Las Vegas Raiders, and it came with an unexpected bonus.
The Raiders signed the unrestricted free agent, 31, to a $67.5 million deal with $34 million guaranteed last week, but two Sin City ladies of the night anted up with an offer of “free s**” for life.
Two licensed s** workers at the infamous Chicken Ranch brothel are so excited about Derek Carr’s successor, they offered the “heartthrob” the unbelievable proposition.
“I almost fainted when I heard Jimmy signed with the Raiders,” said Caitlin Bell, according to TMZ Sports.
“He deserves free s** just for joining our team,” the Raiders fan remarked.
“But he gets free s** for life from us just because he’s such a legit babe!”
“Jimmy brought the Niners to the Super Bowl and he could do the same for the Raiders,” remarked coworker Alice Little, who clearly follows the NFL very little.
Despite being sidelined by a foot injury that ended his 2022 season in Week 13, Garoppolo’s leadership scored the 49ers the division championship.
Garoppolo’s replacement, “Mr. Irrelevant” Brock Purdy, who led the team to eight straight wins, was injured in the first quarter, and his replacement Josh Johnson went down before the start of the second half.
They ultimately crumbled against the Philadelphia Eagles in a crushing 31-7 loss in the NFC championship game.
“The next Big Game is in Vegas,” Little said with team spirit. “So I’m going to go all the way to inspire Jimmy to go all the way!”
Las Vegas will host Super Bowl LVIII at Allegiant Stadium, which was opened in 2020 to house the Raiders after they fled Oakland. The 2024 Super Bowl will he the first ever held in Sin City.
Bell and Little aren’t the Las Vegas professionals offering Garoppolo a free ride.
Sheri’s Ranch, which is located in Pahrump, Nevada, just West of the Strip, invited the QB to participate in an unconventional bonding experience with members of his new team.
“A celebratory weekend blowout with you and a few of your new Raiders teammates to take advantage of the resort’s themed hotel suites, bar and restaurant, swimming pool, and Jacuzzi – all expenses paid, of course,” Sheri’s wrote in naughty letter to Jimmy G.
“Sheri’s invites you into the VIP bungalows with your choice of on-site courtesans, as well as a special Playland with themed rooms to make you feel right at home,” a spokesperson detailed.
The experience may very well make the former 49er “feel right at home,” as he was seen out on a dinner date with p*rn star Kiara Mia in 2018.
Mia made sure to let her followers know that the outing was in no way platonic, when she dropped a pin at The Four Season’s Hotel in Beverly Hills, California the same night.
The image she posted included a sexually charged “yasss,” along with the caption: “What time is it, when she pulls the scrunchie off her wrist to put her hair up!”
If the quarterback turns down the offers from both brothels, he can always take in the X-rated sights at Larry Flynt’s Hustler Club, which offered Garappolo a lifetime platimum VIP membership valued at $500,000.
Las Vegas Locally, who tweeted about the offer on Monday, helpfully pointed out that “Hustler Club is within walking distance of Allegiant Stadium.
Garappolo toured the “unreal” stadium on Tuesday, while dressed smartly in an all black suit reminiscent of his new team’s uniform, which clearly did it for one fan… Who was a very large man.
“I’m gonna buy a No. 10 jersey, man,” yelled a plus-sized fellow. “XXL man. XXL just for you. You’re a handsome guy, man.”
The quarterback, who was clearly stunned by the admission, laughed and turned away.
“I don’t know what to say to that,” he remarked.